What's On My Mind Today...
So I just got word that my two really close awesome friends (who are sisters) are moving to NYC sooner than expected-like in matter of days. I'm SO excited for them (especially since one will be working in music and the other is going to nursing school), but there is this ripple of sadness and panic that is going through me right now. A part of it is that they were my buddies, the ones that got me out of the house, the ones that were always up for a movie or try a new restaurant, or go to a show (i.e. I dragged them to see Voxtrot with me at GAMH last night and BTW Ramesh was at his hippity-hoppity best!) so essentially there goes my social life here in SF.
Another part is a mild jealousy. While I love NYC more than I love SF, the two years I spent there were tough with life, school, boy (I promise part 3 is coming, it's just been a really difficult section to write). I guess I'm kinda jealous of the fact that they will actually get to enjoy NYC in all it's glory while I'm stuck here in a city where I'm wearing a turtle neck on the last day of May (yes, it's that cold here today and yeah, I have some other complaints about the city, but I'm just going to complain about that for now). These are the friends that were very supportive of me when I moved to NYC in the first place when even my parents were fighting against my move and they were also the first ones on that plane to come out and take care of me when I needed them. They're gonna be out there pursuing their dreams while I'm on the other coast trying to figure out mine.
Of course one idea is to move back to NYC-I have the potential to get my licensure there without any problems (too many hurdles in CA) and go back to doing work with the SA community, something which I miss doing. But something is keeping me here, more a feeling than anything. Maybe it's because my parents are getting older, moving is such a hassle, the weather (can't stand humidity), the hope that maybe something better is coming (love-wise, work-wise, and dream-wise), I can't quite put my finger on it.
So today my mood is bittersweet with a dash of panic and confusion. Just had to get it out there so I can at least try to get some work done and sift through CL to see if my dream opportunity is out there. And who knows, a glance at the personals might yield something (hey, a girl can be hopeful, right?).
Another part is a mild jealousy. While I love NYC more than I love SF, the two years I spent there were tough with life, school, boy (I promise part 3 is coming, it's just been a really difficult section to write). I guess I'm kinda jealous of the fact that they will actually get to enjoy NYC in all it's glory while I'm stuck here in a city where I'm wearing a turtle neck on the last day of May (yes, it's that cold here today and yeah, I have some other complaints about the city, but I'm just going to complain about that for now). These are the friends that were very supportive of me when I moved to NYC in the first place when even my parents were fighting against my move and they were also the first ones on that plane to come out and take care of me when I needed them. They're gonna be out there pursuing their dreams while I'm on the other coast trying to figure out mine.
Of course one idea is to move back to NYC-I have the potential to get my licensure there without any problems (too many hurdles in CA) and go back to doing work with the SA community, something which I miss doing. But something is keeping me here, more a feeling than anything. Maybe it's because my parents are getting older, moving is such a hassle, the weather (can't stand humidity), the hope that maybe something better is coming (love-wise, work-wise, and dream-wise), I can't quite put my finger on it.
So today my mood is bittersweet with a dash of panic and confusion. Just had to get it out there so I can at least try to get some work done and sift through CL to see if my dream opportunity is out there. And who knows, a glance at the personals might yield something (hey, a girl can be hopeful, right?).
Labels: i heart nyc, listener, musings, ramblings
posted by brown sugar @ 11:56 AM
12 Comments:
At Thu May 31, 01:14:00 PM PDT ,
Mediocre Blogger said...
I wouldn't waste a lot of time wondering "what if?" Though I have no real proof, I believe the road not travelled often leads to a very similar place.
At Thu May 31, 01:27:00 PM PDT ,
Chee Chee Chai said...
Something led you to move to SF and there's good reason for it!
At Thu May 31, 03:11:00 PM PDT ,
Anonymous said...
I am a huge fan of wondering, actually. I don't think it's detrimental if you don't wallow in it, or in regret, and you don't seem to be doing that.
Something might have led you away from NYC or toward SF (or both), but sometimes you can be led back to a place. I'm just saying. Not putting in a plug for the ol' Citaaaay or anything. ;)
Not that there are any more interesting dudes out here, really. But it was a dry 92 today! :)
At Thu May 31, 03:11:00 PM PDT ,
Anonymous said...
P.S. I want to know more about the psychic you mentioned on Chai's post...
At Fri Jun 01, 08:21:00 AM PDT ,
Unknown said...
SF is infinitely more pleasant than NY. If you feel like you're missing out, look at my post about all that s*cks about NYC, haha.
At Fri Jun 01, 10:26:00 AM PDT ,
Ganesh said...
good luck with the process. nyc and sf are two great cities, but different in many ways. after a few years here, i long for the healthier environs of the bay area, the proximity to water and the mountains (oakland hills). but new york is so alive, it's great! it's raw and engaging in a way nowhere else is. i'm caught, and with the possibility of moving to the bay area in the winter (or to hong kong well before that) i'm starting to love where i am so much more.
At Sun Jun 03, 07:00:00 PM PDT ,
Rush said...
I was JUST now thinking about part three. Weird.
At Sun Jun 03, 09:01:00 PM PDT ,
brown sugar said...
mediocre blogger:
I do agree with you to an extent. While for me I think that I would have reached where I am regardless of what city, I feel that where that road is does play a role. Hmm, I might need to write a whole other post about that.
bengali chick:
I hope there is a good reason and while SF has been good, there is still something missing. But who knows...maybe this "rearrangement" of friends might lead to new things here. Will keep you posted.
tamasha:
Yeah, I'm always constantly wondering, too. Who knows if I would be lead back to the concrete jungle or get lost in the fog here. But I must say that NYC has the best looking men-the cute ones here don't swing my way if you know what I mean ;-). Also, I do have Psychic Joe's info at my parents' house and I'll e-mail it to you. Rumor has it that he hangs out at the Starbucks in Astoria...
zen:
Yeah, SF is more pleasant but there is something about the energy of Manhattan that the fog seems to take away from the city (sorry about all my references to the fog-it's just been foggy all day in the Inner Sunset). Will have to read your post and it might remind me why I should stay here. I'll leave a comment for sure. :-).
ganesh:
Thanks for the well wishes. Yeah, each place has it's own appeal for sure. But it also kinda sounds like you're deciding as well. So best of luck to you, too. Wow, NYC, SF, or Hong Kong? Glad I only I have to pick two cities (although my parents are pushing Chicago and that's a whole other story).
rush:
How funny :-). Sorry for the delay-I've been really wrapping my head around the ending more like a therapist tryng to analyze myself. Strangely enough, the way I'm feeling about this whole thing is linked with Part 3. It should be up soon, promise :-).
At Mon Jun 04, 04:57:00 PM PDT ,
Anonymous said...
Every time I feel a soul withering arctic blast up my arse in the summer, I curse the day I moved from nyc to sf. a double curse when a friend moves to nyc (one of mine just did as well). On the relationship front though, my friends in nyc seem just as (if not more) frustrated with romantic prospects than my friends here...I know a number of interesting straight fellows in the bay area who are single. i'm not sure that any rise to krishan behl standards, but they're around to be sure...
At Mon Jun 04, 07:01:00 PM PDT ,
Anonymous said...
Sigh. Everyone always forgets that NYC has water all over the place, and beaches, and mountains not that far away.
What's pleasant anyway, eh? ;)
At Tue Jun 05, 08:48:00 AM PDT ,
Audrey Dundee Hannah said...
I've even been thinking lately of asking you to move to NYC with me...and my god do I know what you mean about the crushing blahs of what should be late spring in the inner Sunset. Sarah and I had lunch at Ebisu yesterday and much of the conversation went like this:
Sarah: If I was living in Florida right now it would be warm.
Audrey: If I was living in LA right now it would be warm.
Sarah: I could be swimming outdoors.
Audrey: I could also be swimming outdoors.
Ad nauseum.
At Tue Jun 05, 12:41:00 PM PDT ,
brown sugar said...
blogless:
Yeah, this bay chill isn't doing wonders for my cold. And, what are these single men you speak of? Could you hook a sista up? :-)
tamasha:
You're right! I miss the beaches in Brooklyn :-). I just don't miss the humidity.
audrey:
Girl, let's talk-I'm totally confused about my life. Maybe some warm sake and splitting a dragon roll might do wonders for us. Also, we should all grab drinks at Fireside sometime (along with Armstrong) :-).
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